Schooooool - Officially done with my first week.

Man, another roommate. Damn. There’s definitely something missing there. She just keeps this dumb smile on her face all the time. It’s awkward. You can’t smile in every situation. I could yell at this girl, and she’d still be smiling. I can’t be sure, but I think she may have taken 3 or 4 showers last night. We’ll call her Re Re to keep it anonymous. Her boyfriend also stayed over. He’s 25, she’s 22. I don’t know what his deal is. Kind of funny, kind of weird. Claims his major his basketball and that he plays a lot. Basketball? Is that even a major? What kind of school did he go to? He’s no Yao Ming, that’s for sure. After they had gotten out of the shower/bathroom, I walked in to find my sandals soaked and my soap moved; clearly used. Fortunately, the soap was Axe. Had it been a bar of soap, I would have chucked it. You may think I sound like a psycho, but come on. It’s my stuff, you didn’t ask, you just got here, etc. I immediately removed all my items from the bathroom after this event. I was angry. This included hand soap, a towel, sandals, my bathroom bag, and the body soap. Yeah, I went as far as hand soap because I was already pissed off. I found it pretty amusing when I discovered that her little pink, girl shampoo was removed the next day also. Ya, because I’m going to use your girl shampoo. Good one. You want to play that game? I can play that game, and I’m going to win. I wasn’t too fond of them from the start, and they only confirmed suspicions. Oh, and back to the sandals. I wear those flip flops so that my feet are protected from their nasty feet. If they’re wearing them as well, this kind of defeats the whole purpose. BAH. My other roommates agreed. Luckily, I have them to confide in and rally support.

Alright, I’m done ranting. You got the gist. Before I talk about anything else, I remembered that other Seinfeld reference. “George likes his chicken spicy.” – And so does Jeff. Keep in mind though, Chinese spicy is different than American spicy. Tread carefully. I was eating Kung Pao chicken, and I immediately thought of George. In the show, they meet this guy that refers to himself in third person – Jimmy. Eventually, George finds himself talking like this. He also continues to eat Kung Pao chicken throughout the episode, hence the quote. There’s a lot more to it, but that’s a real quick summary. Here ya go, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Apa0nG1OfUc&feature=related, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGuXxHTgdWk.

School is interesting. Very repetitive. Every morning, I wake up at 7:45 AM. Not too bad. I’ll be able to wake up later once I don’t need a little preparation beforehand. Monday through Thursday consists of 6 classes at the morning school, 25 minutes each with 5 minute breaks in between each class.  I work until 11:30 AM in the morning school. I’ve got a break until 1:40 PM. At that point, I catch the school van at the bottom of the apartment and get driven to the afternoon school. I’m there from 2:00 to 4:00 PM. I’ll talk about Friday later, so this will all be about Monday through Thursday to start. Each class has an array of different kids. You’ve got the clowns, the quiet and shy kids, the smart ones, the dumb ones, the volunteers, the kids that don’t care, the bullies, the know it alls, yada yada. (More Seinfeld – The Yada Yada) Typical classroom atmosphere, I suppose. The morning school does a fairly good job of controlling them, and the kids are starting to understand what my commands mean. Ages range from 2-6 so you have to speak loudly, slowly, and clearly. Annunciation is key, and still sometimes not enough. Oh, and corporal punishment is allowed in China.

Classes typically start off with a greeting, making sure they know my name, asking them their names, possibly their ages, and maybe what the weather was like for that day. Weather is a little more challenging. Most struggle through names, which is cool because it kills some time in the classroom. As for names, as I understand it, the parents choose English names for their kids. They have some interesting choices. I’ve got a boy named Jane, Dragon, Hero, Rock, Truck, Jack Chen, Sandy, Slim, Mars, Rain, Nono, and a few others that I can’t remember. In the girl’s department, I’ve got a couple Cocos, a Yoyo, Duola (she’s very cute), Tica, Sunny, Dodo, Angle (no, not Angel), and more. There are plenty of regular English names as well and plenty of English names spelled incorrectly. One example of this is a boy named Dany, but pronounced Danny. I also named some kid John Lee and a girl June. Their Chinese names sort of sounded similar, so hopefully it’s an easy transition.

After, greetings, I usually review anywhere from 4-8 flash cards, depending on the age of the class. I’ll make sure that kids are repeating me. If I don’t hear them or they’re distracted, I’ll single them out and ask them in some manner to repeat me. This still doesn’t always guarantee that the kids are going to repeat you. I don’t really sing any songs because I basically just don’t feel like it. I see no purpose in singing dumb songs. How is that going to help them progress in English? What is it teaching them? Are you really learning anything during ‘London Bridges Falling Down’? Oh yeah, you’re learning that we all fall down. Definitely relevant. I suppose you could argue that it’s just something to get the kids involved, having fun, and speaking English words, but I’ve got other things I’d rather do instead. MY CLASS, MY RULES. Sort of. I do a couple different things after reviewing the flash cards, depending on the day and the class. Sometimes, I’ll pass out all the cards to various kids and then ask who has ‘tomatoes’ or whatever we went over.  This usually goes fairly well. The kids like to help each other out though and or tell their fellow classmates what’s up. It’s amusing.  I constantly have to put my finger to my lips and say, “Shhhhh.”  I also like to have kids come up to me, either individually or with another kid, and then lay out the flash cards and have them point out to me whatever word I said. If the students are capable of handling it, I will sometimes just point to a card and ask them what it is. This technique allows me to figure out where the children are at and who the weaklings are that I need to pick on more. It’s a dog eat dog world. Only the strong survive. Half joking. I’ve also played games in which students race to the flashcards and back, hiding games where I hide the flash cards and allow the students to seek them out, and a back to back game. This game is played by placing two students back to back and giving each a flashcard. They then take 3 steps, wait for my command (Jump), and then turn around and jump. The student that tells me the other child’s card first wins. You can make tournaments out of all these games. I could definitely use some more creativity and variance, but I’m learning. I think I’m doing a pretty good job thus far. Time will tell. The company I work for has given me plenty of stuff to use like cards and stories and what not. They also give you ideas for games, but I think most are pretty dumb.

I like the morning school a lot better for several reasons. One, it’s 10 steps away from my apartment building. Two, I have more freedom. I can pretty much teach whatever I want, however I want as long as the kids are learning. And three, for the most part, the students seem to be better controlled. This all depends on the size of the class though and the individual kids in the class. Lunch has been pretty good, and it’s free so I can’t complain. It’s nice being able to go down and grab it, then bring it up to my apartment where I can chill out for my nice two and a half hour break. Ahhhh, so nice. The afternoon school is ok. Not as great. The first class I have there (mostly age 5 I think, and a larger class) really makes me mad sometimes. It’s hard to teach or get anything across to the kids that are listening. I’ve mentioned this a few times to the Chinese teachers. There are definitely a few bad seeds there. The problem is though, when I call up the bad seeds in an attempt to embarrass them and force them to say “I don’t know”, they all know the answers. That’s the worst. Kids don’t like saying, “I don’t know.” They pretty much understand what it means and that it’s not something good. Although, some do find it playful because when I want the kids to say that, I demonstrate by putting my arms up questioningly and then repeating the phrase. Not a whole lot of corporate punishment that I’ve seen at the morning school. Seen plenty at the afternoon school, though. The two kids were really acting up the other day. I watched this axe murderer looking woman step in. She grabbed the one and threw him down to the ground. He may have been kicked or hit after that. I was trying to keep from staring in astonishment so I missed some of it. The other child was grabbed from his chair and escorted over to the door. The teacher then grabbed his belongings, like jacket and blanket or something, and threw them out into the hall while chastising him. While I do think a good spanking is in order at times, I’m not sure about the rest of it. It doesn’t seem to make a difference. The kids still act up. They’re looking for attention, and they’re getting it. Not the solution. I do have a favorite in the afternoon school, though. He’s in my small class. It only consists of 5 children, maybe 6. His name is Jack. I believe he’s 5 years old, tiny, and super cute. He’s also pretty bright. Funny little guy. That class is small and well behaved. The little girl, Cathy, is also really cute. The other thing I hate about this school is that I follow more of a curriculum here. Oh well.

I’ve witnessed two throw up sessions at the morning school. Fun. Solution? Sweep it up, then do a quick mop job. No, I’m not the one doing it. There are Chinese assistants/teachers in each class for things like that, maintaining order, and translating directions. Vomit. Awesome. Oh, and what an awesome smell afterwards. I’m waiting for other children to throw up after seeing another kid blow chunks. They’ll all start doing it in synchronized order like dominoes. They are little walking viruses. DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE. Whatever you do. Don’t go anywhere near your face until after you’ve washed your hands. I can’t even wash my hands until I’m back in my apartment. I’ve never even seen a teacher’s bathroom in the first school. I’m sure there is one, but soap is a rare commodity in China, so I don’t even bother. Most bathrooms don’t possess it. Kids certainly don’t use it. Gross. (G-ross for those that remember it.) All the kids wanted to come up and hug me the other day in a big cluster. One of the kids in the following was the kid that just threw up. I cocked my eyebrows and put my hands down in a ‘ewwww, back off’ gesture.

Well, you’ve got a nice overlay of school life. Oh, and back to Friday. Friday is such a joke. The morning school is 8:30 – 10:30 AM. I then catch the school’s van at 2:20 PM for the afternoon school. The afternoon school is from 2:40 PM until 3:40 PM on Fridays. 

Let’s talk about the van. The guy that drives me Monday through Thursday is insane. He’s a nut, like most Chinese drivers. Picture the worst driver you know of, then make his/her driving even worse and create millions of versions of him/her. You now have an idea of what driving in China is like. It’s one thing to see all the nuts on the roads (So many cars, so many bikes and scooters/motorcycles), it’s another thing to sit in the back of a van and experience it. I think the driver is some sort of alien robot. I greet him and thank him every day in Chinese, and I hardly get a nod. He was created by the Chinese government, and he has one mission; to get me to the school. I sit in the back with frightened facial expressions that appear multiple times throughout the 15 minute drive. I swear, there have been so many times that I thought we were going to hit another vehicle, or a bus, or a bike, or a person. So many. And he only drove me 3 days this week. He sits in the driver’s seat relaxed, with a blank expression on his face. No emotion. The driver knows how to use his horn, though. Most Chinese drivers do. They’ll drive in the other lane against oncoming traffic to get around people. Stop lights don’t exist because if they don’t ‘see’ it, it didn’t happen. How to get around speed bumps without slowing down? Go between them. I get driven by another guy on Friday (and possibly Monday). He’s still crazy, but not as crazy. He also smiles and responds to my greetings and goodbyes. He’s probably human.

Went shopping and cooked dinner today/tonight with Avi and Lian. Awesome. I’ll tell you about that and kiwi on steroids, aka Dragon Fruit, in the next post.

Thanks for reading - Jeff