Knock, Knock, Knockin' - Not on Heaven's Door

12:15 AM. Knock, knock, knock…..Waiting….Knock, knock, knock, knock…..Still waiting…..Knock, knock, KNOCK KNOCK…… “Jamie????.....Jamie, can you please try to be quieter or possibly move into another room. “Meanwhile, she just continues on with her conversation - completely ignoring me. “Jamie, ignoring me is not the answer. If this is the way you want to handle this shit, then you and I are going to have some serious problems, and I’m going to have to contact the company.” No response, still continuing her conversation via phone or skype. “Ok Jamie, you want to play that game? That’s fine.”

This was my night. I went to sleep at 11:30 PM. After listening to her talk loudly for more than 30 minutes, I had enough. I couldn’t take it anymore. This girl has zero consideration for anybody but herself.  Man, was I irate. What a joke. And what pissed me off even more is the fact that she completely ignored me standing outside her door and just kept right on talking to whoever it was she was talking to. Who calls somebody at 11:30 PM anyways? PEOPLE NEED TO SLEEP. I would have rather had her yell ‘shutup’ or swear at me or something. Anything. Ignoring me? Ohhhh, you’ve got problems now little missy. So mad. She finally shut up and I managed to fall asleep around 12:30 AM or so. Oh, after knocking on her door, I immediately emailed my assistant at the company. I’m done dealing with this garbage. Time to handle the situation, aka get rid of her.

As for school, it’s interesting. My favorite part about it is probably the fact that I can say just about anything I want at any given time and no one is the wiser. The kids probably have a better chance of understanding me than the assistants. You get some freaky kids though, seriously. I have this one kid that just walks up to me in the middle of a lesson and like points/touches me while making a weird face with his mouth half open. He just wanders up multiple times and I just say, “Ok, go sit down.” In another class, this kid does not change his face. He just sits there, back against the wall, with his big eyes (I know, strange for Chinese) and stares with a freaked out look on his face. Let me tell you something kid, you’re freaking me out. It’s at times like these where I might say, “Yeah, you’re a little weird kid, aren’t you?” I’m smiling and speaking in a pleasant tone, though. Some kids will run up to you after class and depending on the kid, I’ll say, “No touchy, no touching. Maybe after you wash your hands.” Or maybe a kid will sneeze and I’ll say, “That is disgusting, what are you doing?” Don’t worry, I’m saying this kind of indirectly and under my breath most of the time. They can’t understand any of it anyways. Sometimes I’ll tell a kid he’s freaking me out. Ya’ know, stuff like that. It amuses me and allows me to get past some of the weirdness of a few of the kids. Besides, the lack of washing hands really is disgusting. I’m scared at times. Best part about that? The teachers don’t even wash their hands! I don’t know about the morning school because again, I have yet to see a bathroom. In the afternoon school, I’ve seen several teachers walk out of the bathroom without a care in the world. Washing their hands is the last thing on their mind. Gosh, this thinking needs to be corrected. How are kids supposed to learn? It’s nasty, infectious, and unsanitary. Let’s just say I will not be going out with any of those teachers at any time. So if you girls are looking, so sorry. You can look, but you can’t touch. No touchy! Haha. But seriously.

I had my first meeting with some of the Chinese English teachers at the morning school. It’s supposed to take place every Friday, doesn’t happen all the time. It only lasts about 30 minutes or so, and I have no idea what the purpose is. I think it’s more intended for those teachers to learn some English or something like that. For the first 15 minutes, we went over tongue twisters. I taught them ‘how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?’ They also had their own that went, ‘good, better, best – never let it rest – until good is better – and better is best.’ What? Why? They learned the seashell one too. The head teacher also questioned the meaning of the woodchuck one. Meaning? There’s no meaning. It’s a dumb tongue twister…. The next 25 minutes were spent having teachers, myself included, draw different things that utilized the circle shape. These consisted of a pig, a panda, flowers, balls, pizza, etc. WHAT KIND OF MEETING IS THIS? Meeting? More like arts and crafts for elementary school. They did give me and the other English teacher a nice organizer book (or whatever they’re called) as well as toothpaste, a toothbrush, and a package with 3 bars of soap. This can all come in handy at some point, so that was cool.

There have been blue skies all week ever since the artificially created snow during the weekend. There’s plenty of shade to go with that due to all the buildings in Beijing, but still nice. Crystal clear, blue skies. Lovely. It’s also a bit warmer today. It’s slowly warming up. Before you know it, I’m going to be sweating my ‘you know whats’ off. Haha, sorry. It’s approaching, though. I definitely plan on seeing some things during the spring, maybe getting outside the city as well. Summer Palace should be pretty awesome to see in the spring. Plus side to the blue skies besides the obvious? Less spit. Seriously. I spit less and so does everyone else because you can breathe easier.

I’m officially done with two full weeks of teaching. Awesome.

-Sir Jefficus

Oh, what a night.

Oh man, another day completed. Phew. Crazy kids. All in all though, today actually went pretty well. I made a kid cry for losing, got another kid punished which resulted in him crying, and almost smacked a few kids which would have undoubtedly made them cry. That’s all true, but it was still a decent day. Go figure. That’s just typical classroom stuff, nothing absurd. Look on the plus side, no one got beat in any of my classes today. Way to go, kids. In all of my classes, the kids pretty much sit in a semi-circle. In dealing with the problem kids, I simply moved their chairs in front of everybody. This also put them closer to me.  This isn’t a definite solution because the kids still act up. It definitely scales it down a bit too. I can pay better attention to them and end their acting up sooner. I usually give them a stern face, demonstrate sitting properly once so they know what I mean, and then just continuously nag on them throughout the class. As for games, most of the kids that were annoying me did not get to participate. Instead, they got some one on one time with me to review the cards. It’s a work in progress.

Good news! The alien robot driver learned a new command. He says, “Ni hao” back to me now and attempts some sort of grumble when I thank him. Why the sudden change? I’m guessing his programmers on the mother ship instructed him that it was impolite to not respond back when someone says hello.  He’s making progress. Still completely emotionless. Whenever we pass a good looking girl, I’ll usually notice and maybe even turn around in the seat if it’s worth my time. The driver? Doesn’t even blink. Male drivers in America will usually notice and check their mirrors if possible. I’m stereotyping, but it’s true. Guilty. Not a guy I’d like to cross paths with while driving, though. He doesn’t wait for anybody. If there’s any waiting for more than a half second, he beeps the horn. You move out of the way for him, and that’s that. Move or die. I have no doubts that he’s capable of killing if need be. In the week’s time that I’ve driven with him, I’ve almost witnessed at least a hundred deaths. Fricken crazy.

Speaking of interesting characters, I completely forgot to talk about this guy that my hotel roommate and I met in our search for the Silk Market. What a weird man. Creeper for sure. He approached us looking for a place called, Texas Tom’s. I had no idea where it was, and I’m pretty sure it’s called Texas Tim’s or something like that. Regardless, I didn’t know. Usually this would quite possibly end the conversation. Not the case. This guy just keeps going on about the weirdest things. We lost him, and then ran into him again a few minutes later. He was also a teacher, or claimed to be, and kept asking if our job was hiring for the weekends. No one ever game him an answer to that. At some point, he tells us about this bar that he repeatedly said we just need to check out. “It’s got the best looking girls around. Now, I’m married to a Chinese girl. She’s the traditional type, ya know? I can pretty much get what I want, when I want. So I wasn’t interested in the girls. I just wanted to network and meet some people, ya know?” Meanwhile, he’s telling us that drinks cost about 80 rmb each. Ya, I’m gonna head right over there. Sarcasm. He told us that he ended up buying a girl a drink, and that it was a mistake because if you do that, they think they’re your girlfriend. Remember though, he wasn’t interested. He’s married. Come on. Later in the conversation, he said for the price of a couple drinks there, you could buy yourself some time with a girl and get more for your money. Weirdo only knew this because he asked a girl one time. But wait! He wasn’t interested in the girl, just interested in ‘commodities’. Ya, sure you were pal. It was ridiculously hard to get out of a conversation with this guy. What a relief when we finally did. Oh yeah, he was from Minnesota or Michigan if that makes a difference. I can’t remember. Doesn’t matter. He’s out there.

As for the new roommate, she’s got an interesting surprise waiting at the door when she gets home. Yup, I had enough. I packed up all her stuff, fit in all back in her suitcases, and moved it in front of the door. If there wasn’t room, I threw it in bags and placed it nearby. I think she’ll get the message. She’ll probably just smile, though. Seriously? I wouldn’t do that (well maybe if the situation called for it). I’m joking. That’s just what I’d like to do. Due to the interesting night I got to experience with her, I simply left her a note that read as follows:

‘Jamie, rather than having an awkward face to face conversation, I figured a note would suffice. Here are some things to consider when living with others. 

 1. We don’t all wake up at the same time. Please remember that when you’re up, others are sleeping. Most mornings, you open and close (slam) your door and the bathroom door 15-20 times. Please try to be quieter.

2. Some things should be kept private. I’m no stranger to relationships, but have some self-respect. The walls are thin, and all rooms are close. Sorry to be blunt, but I don’t want to know your personal business. Keep it private, not public.

3. The bathroom is shared. We go to bed at different times. That’s fine, but be considerate about time spent in the bathroom. Also, the bathroom shouldn’t be used for anything sexual. Remember – shared – sanitation.

I’m sorry about getting personal, but you obviously weren’t concerned. I’m not the only one that shares some of these concerns. Happy to talk about anything if need be.’

I’m sure she’s going to love that. And bam, she just walked into her room now. Awkkkkwarrrddd (not for me). It had to be done. I tried to be as polite as possible. There are a couple of things I would have liked to include, but chose not to. I figure end it early or continue to deal with it.

I’ll keep ya posted on how that goes.

-Jeff